Recent Observations, Observed

He's answered his own question here.

Felix: Daddy, why do you always look so happy after you watch 90 minutes of soccer? Watching TV makes your brain more softer.

*****

After the recent "Hooligans" video I noted Felix's summary ("We made quite a hullaballoo, didn't we?") but I forgot to mention something he said while we were watching the game:

F: I'm going to get my scarf and wave it at the television.

*****

Gee, thanks, kid.

F: You're the oldest. You're 40, Mom is 38, I'm 5, and Cosmo is 3. Cosmo has the longest to live. You have a pretty long time to live before you die, but not as long. Who knows? Maybe you'll live to be 117!

*****

Existential linguistics.

F: What is up with the word "love"?

*****

Cosmo enjoys getting dressed in the morning.

Cosmo: Don't these colors look good on me?

And again, another day:

C: I look really cool with white and black.

*****

But he still often prefers his mother to his father.

F: Daddy, I'm sorry, but I just don't think Cosmo likes you very much.

*****

"Girl stuff" is still an issue.

C: I don't know why they're advertising so much girls.

*****

But, at root, it's all about self-validation.

C: Hey, C begins with Cosmo!

A Christmas Concert

Felix gave us a recital this afternoon; Cosmo made a very special guest appearance.



In this number, Felix is rightly proud of his "jazz hands."



I cringed a little bit when he announced a song called, "I Am Somebody Special"--but I think he pulls it off.



That's all for now--it was quite the concert. In case you're interested, here's the set list he made before he started:

What have you done with St. Nicholas, Santa?

We stopped by Christkindlmarkt last Friday after work. The kids smiled nicely--but shyly trusted that Santa could intuit their material desires.

Hooligans

Excitement was running high before the Chicago Fire's playoff game against Real Salt Lake (I only have one Fire scarf; hence the Aston Villa).



Afterward, Felix, said, "We made quite a hullaballoo, didn't we?"

Veterans Day

Felix got to spend Veterans Day with the Davies family. Thanks, guys--looks like you had fun!

Male/Female

After reading a book about whales, which identified several whales as "male" or "female", Cosmo thought he had it figured out:

C: There are two kinds of males: females and emails.

Our Little Outliers

Tonight, before we all watched Home Alone, I gave the boys a little preview....

Keir: ...so the boy's parents accidentally go on vacation without him. And, at first he's scared, but then he's excited to do all the kinds of things his parents never let him do.
Cosmo: Like wash dishes!
Felix: And cook salad!

Not sure our guys are the target audience, but they did enjoy it when Joe Pesci's head caught on fire. I can't believe how long it's been since I properly updated the blog, but at least I've been taking notes. The following exchanges are all from the last couple of months.

*****

Keir: (admiring a vintage mid-rise) Wow, what a fancy building.
Felix: I don't think I'd like to live in that building. I think it's mostly girls who live there, and I don't like all that princess stuff. If there were boys who lived in that building, I think they'd be moaning to leave.

*****

For weeks, Cosmo would look off into the distance and then exclaim....

Cosmo: Daddy, look how far I can see!

*****

As you may have gathered, Felix is NOT into girl stuff.

F: I don't like to play with girls because they're always chatting about tea parties and stuff like that. I like to play with boys. We play Power Rangers and tag.

*****

Explaining this moving business.

K: So, even though we found an apartment we want to buy, we have to sell our apartment before we can buy it. So it might be a long time before we can move.
C: (worried) We don't have enough money in our jars!
M: Don't worry, you guys don't have to pay for it. Mommy and Daddy will pay for it.

*****

Trying to sell them on the Pattington.

Keir: That building has the same number of apartments as ours, but it's a lot bigger, because their apartments are bigger.
Marya: Their apartments are fancier, too.
Keir: Wouldn't it be nice to live in such a fancy building?
Felix: I don't think so. Fancy stuff is for girls.

*****

Felix has a future in diplomacy. As a doormat.

F: When we were in line outside the bathroom waiting to go outside, Khali pushed me. But he said he was sorry. And I said, if you say that every time you push me, I'll be your best friend forever. And he said it's a deal.

*****

C: Don't you often wonder what's inside Legos?
F: I know what's inside Legos: Lego material. It's the same material as on the outside.

*****

K: Cosmo, I don't think it's a good idea to jump off the couch onto Felix.
C: (Brightly) But he's very soft!

*****

C; Daddy, do you know why I don't like rectangles too much?
K: No, why?
C: I don't like rectangles too much because I don't like rectangles so much.

*****

Siding with his parents but overdoing it.

F: (to Cosmo) You're going to have a time out and it's going to last your whole life and you'll die in the time out chair.

*****

Now it's Felix's turn for a time out.

K: You may not treat your brother like that. And I wouldn't let him treat you like that, either.
F: And I also may crush you.

*****

K: Well, I'm glad you don't have diarrhea.
C: Yeah, but diarrhea is just lots of poop in your underwear.

Under the Weather

(I was cheating. I put them to sleep with a 1-1 draw between AC Milan and Real Madrid.)

Kindergarten Is Hard on Parents, Too

Keir: Yesterday, Felix's very first day of kindergarten, went pretty well, I think, although it was really designed more for parents than for kids. After two hours of learning the rules and finding his way around--amid a crowd of kids and parents--he was done. But we think his teacher, Mrs. Parker, will be great. She did manage a little floor time with the kids and that was fun to watch. She used a frog puppet named Kelso, who was also shy about his first day at school, to put the kids at ease. Felix and Cosmo still really love to talk to puppets and it's so watching their faces when they do so--they fully enter the puppet reality. When Mrs. Parker told the kids that they could each bring Kelso home for a weekend, Felix raised his hand. "I'd really like to bring Kelso
home for the weekend, but I can't," he said. "We don't have any flies at our house."

Marya: Dropping Felix off this morning, for his first full day, was great. He was so excited, he ran straight for his teacher, then proceeded to run around with the mob of kids who were running around in circles. I was teary as I walked away, looking back and seeing him - a boy growing up, excited to be part of a new group. Then I realized I was clutching his backpack and had to go back, which sort of broke the moment.

Felix's first day at Kindergarten

A few changes around the house

Last weekend we painted an orange wall in the boys' room...


...and began vermicomposting! We welcomed a few hundred worms into our home, prepared a nice bed for them and got acquainted.

Everyone's a Critic

Just now.

Keir: Well, Felix, I'm going to go change the cat box. (Beat.) I'm going to change it into a dog box.
Felix: Dad, stop it!
K: What's wrong, Felix? I'm just telling a joke to try to make you laugh.
F: I'm never going to laugh.
K: Why not?
F: Because they're such bad jokes!

Smokers

At breakfast this morning we noticed an article about smoking.

F: Once I saw a man who was smoking a cigarette, a cigar, and a pipe all at the same time.

M: Really?

F: I really did, it's true. I was two and a half and you were looking the other way.

C: Once I saw a woman smoking a cigarette! It's true. I really did!

Sticks, Poop, Senior Citizens, and Good Manners

Some random exchanges from the past couple of weeks....

While we were in Montana, Cosmo slept in the car almost all the way to Flathead Lake. Suddenly, Grandpa Tom and I heard a voice from the back seat.

Cosmo: What if you had a stick that was four thousand feet long?
Keir: Were you dreaming about sticks, Cosmo?
Cosmo: Yes.

*****

Rallying the troops.

Keir: Come on, Felix. We're going to go visit Grandpa Dave and Grandma Laura.
Felix: I don't want to go see Grandpa Dave and Grandma Laura. It's not very fun and there's too much senior citizens.

*****

Keir: Come on, Felix. You need to poop before you go to bed. I don't think you've gone poop for days.
Felix: I'm tired of pooping all the time.

*****

Back in Chicago, after school, on the bus.

Keir: Cosmo, did you draw any pictures today?
Cosmo: Yes! I drew a picture of a truck.
Keir: Will you draw me a picture of a truck?
Cosmo: Yes. But the green one is for me.
Keir: Will you draw an orange dump truck for me?
Cosmo: Yes. I'll draw an orange truck for you, and a blue truck for mommy, and a purple truck for Felix.
Felix: No!
Keir: Felix....
Felix: I don't like the way he draws trucks.
Keir: Felix, if someone gives you a gift, it's because they want to make you feel good. If you say thank you, it makes them feel good. So just say thank you and take the gift. You don't have to play with it if you really don't like it.
Felix: Paper can be recycled.

New Bikes!

Felix got his cast off the day we left for Montana. He wore a splint most of the time we were there--but less and less as he began to feel more comfortable without it. Last Wednesday, we got a thumbs-up from his doctor after a good X-ray and exam. We asked him when it would be OK for Felix to ride a bike again and he said, "Oh, probably not before 4:30." (It was 4:10.) Felix, however, wasn't sure he would be ready to ride until "probably November," but when we rescheduled a trip that had been postponed by his injury--to the bike store--he forgot to be worried. Both Felix and Cosmo love their new bikes.


Felix was also really proud that he was strong enough to lift his bike. This was followed by a monlogue that went something like this: "I'm so strong that, when I lift a hammer, even though I know it weighs something, if feels like it doesn't weigh anything."

Cosmo, too, proved that he is really strong:

In action:

Dress-up Day at school

Illinois Railway Museum

On the town with Cosmo

About to cross a street, Cosmo knows the drill:
This crosswalk is for people to cross the street. We are people, so we can cross here.

And as the bus rode over several pot holes, Cosmo announces with enthusiasm:
It's shaking my penis up and down!

Two Judges, Three Judgments

Not a moment's peace.

Keir: Felix, just back off! Keep your hands off your brother and leave him alone. I'm trying to make dinner and I can't do it when I have to keep separating you.
Felix: When I'm forty, I'll probably sound like you.

*****

At the petting zoo.

Keir: Felix, do you smell that? That's manure.
Felix: Yes, I smell it.
Keir: Do you know what manure is? Animal poop.
Felix: Eww.
Keir: Did you know that farmers use manure? When they plant seeds, they cover them in manure, and the manure helps the seeds grow faster.
Felix: You're crazy.

*****

Looking out the window of the bus.

Felix: That woman is smoking a cigarette!
Cosmo: She's bad!
Felix: Her lungs will get coated in tar, and they'll turn black!
Cosmo: And she will die!
Felix: And she's doing it right outside a hospital.
Cosmo: We have a book about that.

Two More Stories: Railroad Crossings & Machinery

Railroad Crossings

by Felix Graff

Once there was a railroad crossing. It was so old that the crossing guards never went down, because no one ever cleaned the rust off the gears. And when a train went through, a car was driving and he couldn’t see the lights flashing and he couldn’t hear the bell ringing because he had his music up way too loud and he was looking around out the window and didn’t see any lights flashing. And he went through the crossing and he saw the train so he stepped on his gas pedal super fast—so he just made it across. The train engineer stopped just in time.

Then he went through another crossing. It was so old the lights couldn’t flash, the guard couldn’t go down and the bell couldn’t ring. And there was just an extra crossing guard that never got rust on its gears. It was built so well it never got rust. And those guards went down and it warned the car. And the car stopped in time. And when it was about to almost go through an open bridge, it slammed windshield first into the guard. And do you know what happened? The guard broke down, falling across the street, making tire after tire go flat. And then, finally, when another tire went flat, some workers came, and they picked up the crossing guard and they put it in the dump because it was just like so old. And then they put another crossing guard in, and that one, the same thing happened with that very car again! So they had to fix it. And then it never happened—almost never—only it happened one time, again, with another car. Actually, it was a bulldozer that crashed. And guess what? Its bucket that pushed things broke off. And it bounced over the fence and it fell into the water and sank. And it never got a new bucket again, so it had to stay in the scrap yard.

Machinery

Once there was a garage door machine and it was old so whenever it opened it only went four inches up, and the opening place was sixteen feet up. Then the car could never get into the garage because the door kept going lower and lower and soon it got so low it touched the ground. The garage door on every wheel was an eyeball. Then there was a wheel and it didn’t have an eyeball because all the eyeballs were black. But the other garage door never stopped working so he backed up into the street and used that garage door. The garage door was 9 years old.